Rough couple of weeks

I have had a tough couple of weeks and for some reason I'm writing about it on here. I figure those who read these posts are people who love us anyways, so why not.
We lost a baby. We were pregnant again and we lost our baby. It's crazy how it happens. You absolutely know when you are pregnant. I am not talking about the sickness that comes along with it. I am talking about knowing and feeling a little spirit inside of you. I knew I was. I was really excited to have an April baby. I was still running and everything was seeming like it was going to be a much better pregnancy than with Lucy.
That should have been my first sign. To be completely honest it was a concern of mine. Not something I dwelled on but it just seemed too good to be true.
Then all the sudden things felt completely different. My pregnancy symptoms went away and the miscarriage began.
I went into the Dr the next day hoping it wasn't true, but knowing in my heart that it was. We did an ultrasound and sure enough, no heartbeat. I remember vividly what it looked and felt like seeing Lucy's tiny little heartbeat. Seeing no heartbeat was devastating. I wanted so badly for it not to be true.

My Dr told me to come back in a week to see if a heartbeat develops. Maybe my dates were off and I was really only 6 weeks and not 8 like I thought. I knew my dates weren't wrong.
The next couple of days were brutal. Russ happened to be out of town for a couple days during this whole ordeal which just made things that much harder.
Once a week had passed I knew that the baby had also. I went back into the Dr only to see everything completely gone and empty. Almost as if it had never happened at all, but it did.

I can't explain how hard this has been. You have feelings of complete heartbreak and loss. You feel as if your child has been taken from you. Something that was supposed to be yours is not anymore. For those of you who assume it is easier to miscarry early in your pregnancy rather than later I'm here to tell you it is horribly difficult either way.
I didn't need a D&C which was a relief. Now I just had to figure out how to live my life again. It is strange going through a loss that affects you the most. There is nobody who can go through it with you. Russ experienced disappointment and loss but he even admits it wasn't very real to him yet. Not like it is for the girl.
I'm not looking for pity, or even words of encouragement. I am just sharing my experience with you.
Thank you for sticking it out til the end of this post. We are doing better every day and know that the Lord is mindful of us and has a plan for our family.